So I drove to Lincoln City in the KGON Expedition a few months back, I think it was September-ish, and some concerned citizen called our general manager and reported "a short blond speeding, approximately 70 MPH, and tailgating in the KGON marked vehicle on Highway 18 at approximately 9am." (How the hell did he know I was short? I was driving!)
For the sake of clarity, let's refer to our GM as Sam. As in "Yosemite Sam." Forgive my inability to be creative, but my talents, or sad lack thereof, were used up thinking up the Mr. Burns moniker for our Program Director. Not that our GM is 3 feet tall with a long beard and pistols on both hips, but he is known for turning red when he gets angry. If this were the Old West, I have no doubt that he would indeed wear pistols on his hips. And possibly use them on occasion. He's the real Mr. Burns. He would definitely say "release the hounds" and mean every word.
Suffice to say I try my hardest not to piss him off and be the cause of the red face.
So as I'm sitting in LK's office one day last September, she stops what she's doing and reads me an email she just received from Sam.
He asked her to find out who was "speeding and tailgating in the KGON vehicle this past Sunday morning." I visibly blanche and explain it was me driving back from Chinook Winds.
LK: "Were you speeding?"
Me: "Of course not! The KGON vehicle doesn't even go 70 MPH! It's too big! It's too heavy! It's too full of big, heavy things!"
LK: "OK. Were you tailgating?"
Me: "Um, no. I was going the speed limit in the fast lane. The person in front of me seemed to be going slightly slower than the posted speed limit in the fast lane. I may have seemed in a hurry or eager to get around said slowpoke. But I'm sure I wasn't tailgating." (I have a photographic memory. Almost. I remember everything. Just ask my ex-husbands. I know exactly which car driver called in to report me. I could probably come up with his license plate, vehicle make and model if I thought about it hard enough but I don't want to strain myself.)
DISCLAIMER: KGON neither endorses nor participates in any type of unsafe driving, real or imagined. KGON also takes complaints very seriously and deals with them in an appropriate manner.
LK totally believed me and told Sam that "as the mother of two young children, Amy is a very safe and courteous driver and is always careful, especially in the station vehicles. Amy also says that due to the size and weight of the vehicle, it's nearly impossible to even go 70 MPH!"
Sam was cool with that story. I don't think his face even got red.
The point of this story is that, once again, I will be traversing the asphalt of Highway 18, on my way to see Loverboy and Eddie Money at Chinook Winds this Saturday night. (Jealous!?)
I will be driving said large and heavy KGON Expedition. I will be driving carefully, courteously and cautiously. I will obey all speed limits and safe driving distances. I will not be listening to any music, as we only have a cassette player and I'm fresh out of cassettes. I will not be on my cell phone. I will be alone. Uh, scratch that last part.
If you feel that I am driving to fast or too close for your liking, please toot your horn and give me a nice little wave- not the one fingered wave- and I shall slow down or back off.
If you, on the other hand, are driving too slowly for my liking, I may try to pass you, but only in safely marked passing zones. If you don't feel up to driving the speed limit, please safely change lanes and move into the right lane.
Thank you all very much and have a lovely weekend.
PS- If you still feel that you saw me driving too fast or too close this weekend, please email me, alinford@entercom.com, and I will be sure to forward that email onto to Sam.
