It's 7pm on Thursday night and I'm on a roll! I can't go home now, there's just too much to talk about! I was just filtering through the photos of our listeners for the A to Z contest and I came across my own photos from my recent shoot, and this was too good to pass up!

Ever since we started this KGON'sider thing, my boss, LK, has wanted me to get a professional picture for the website. I hate, no LOATHE, being photographed. I am just an unphotogenic person. I look OK in the mirror sometimes, and I always look great in candlelight, but in a picture? Ewwww. I hate every picture ever taken of me. Even my wedding photos. I would post one here but that was way before digital cameras and dinosaurs, and I have since burned every single one-- even though I was kinda hot and skinny at 21 years of age. I digress again.

Anyway, our sister station, 1080 The FAN Sports Radio, has these totally hot babes we call FAN Girls. They go with us out on site and just kinda hang around, looking hot and talking about makeup. We have monthly FAN Girl computer wallpaper that you can download as your screen saver. These are just hot chicks that sports-oriented men, or actually men of any orientation, would find hot. 

Meet Vanida:


And Nicole:


Are they sexy or what? 

And then there's me. 


Could I be any more lame? Oh God, I've never modeled, nor do I care to. I've been to several of the Fan Girl shoots and these are professional, working models. Bless Mike Kirk, our photographer, pro-bono in this case, for agreeing to take pictures of me after what he gets to see all day. Bless his sweet soul that he actually did it with a straight face. 

Don't sit there and mutter to yourself about how you might think I'm skinny or pretty or whatever. We each have our own body hang-ups that we live with. Some choose to ignore those hang-ups, like myself. I live on a diet of pepperoni sticks and beer. If I truly gave a rat's ass about my figure, I would eat more brown rice and veggies, like our Fan Girls probably do. Or I might resign myself to the fact that some girls are just naturally slender and some have had cellulite since birth, like myself. I can joke about my own body image because, number one, it's easy fodder, and number two, I don't worry about it all that much. Only when I'm naked in the company of a man. Or having to get my picture taken by a professional photographer and posting it on a public website.

Mike Kirk is a great, funny guy who would totally be my first choice to take my picture. Prior to our session, he emailed me photos of scantily clad women wearing thongs as an ice breaker. He knew my fat ass was nervous and the last thing he wanted to deal with was another neurotic woman with body issues. Surprisingly, he told me that most of his models have body issues of one kind or another. Whatever, bitches.

Anyway, we set up in our conference room and I blacked out the windows so no one would walk by and laugh. He starts snapping away, this angle and that, up close and far away. The whole time I'm laughing my (fat) ass off:


and asking him if he can airbrush out the cellulite. He just grinned and did his job. 

Fan Girl:


I like Thanksgiving. And Pocahontas.

Me:

"Ahoy, Matey, I am the captain of this ship!" Please shoot me.

Fan Girl:

Nice red scarf! Such a natural red color not often found in nature.

And me:

"Where's the pepperoni?"

In the end, this is how I felt:


And Mike probably did too. At least my boots are hot.